Last week, I posted an innocuous Tweet about Chris Brown. Well, it wasn’t “innocuous” in that I said I wanted him to kill himself with poison, but it was innocuous in that I don’t really care that much about celebrities. I really don’t. I just thought the joke worked (14 ReTweeters can’t be wrong!). But what surprised me was the blowback I got for posting it. One person called me a “hater” and said I was just jealous of a multimillionaire. I’ll address that dipshit argument in a minute, but mostly I’m just surprised anyone would support that guy in the first place. Chris Brown pounded the fuck out of Rihanna’s face three years ago and relatively nothing bad happened to him afterward. Just to be clear, there was more of a negative reaction to the fucking Dixie Chicks saying they were against the War in Iraq than to Chris Brown repeatedly punching a woman’s face in. In 1992, Sinead O’Connor ripped up a photo of the Pope on Saturday Night Live because she opposed the church’s wild and unchecked fucking of children. Her career was essentially over after that. On the other hand, Chris Brown punched and bit Rihanna repeatedly in a moving car (not a photo, but a real person) and he’s welcomed back to the Grammys with open arms like he was the victim. It doesn’t make any sense. In the case of Sinead O’Connor, Joe Pesci actually hosted SNL the following week and was applauded for saying if he’d been there for her performance he would have “gave her such a smack.” It’s insane.
The thing is - the War in Iraq WAS bullshit. And the Catholic church DID cover up child sexual abuse. Both of those things WERE terrible. Like, really terrible. But I get why people were mad at the Dixie Chicks. That’s about patriotism. And I get why people were mad at Sinead O’Connor. People tend to get touchy on religion (no pun intended). But you’re sticking up for a man who beat the dogshit out of a woman. Why - because you like “Run It!”? Because you think “Kiss Kiss” with T-Pain is “the jam”? You’d take to the streets in defense of a shitty, abusive boyfriend because you like his song about gum? “Oh no, if he goes away, then where will I get ringtone pop songs about boning chicks?” Your head is full of rocks. Go get an interchangeable Usher CD and move on with your goddamn life. You desperately need a better cause.
As far as the “hater” comment goes, let’s try this instead (and read it slowly so it makes sense to you) - Sometimes people are just assholes. If Chris Brown was some broke dude, he’d still be a shitty person. But he happens to have money. He has money to pay the best producers to make his catchy fuck jams you crave so hard. But more importantly, he has money to hire a crisis management team to spin his unpunished abuse of a woman into something his moron fans think is worth defending. Good job. You’re susceptible to the manipulations of a PR firm. But if you like the music of Chris Brown in the first place, the two kinda go hand in hand. You’re dumb, you’re easily deceived and it might not be a bad idea for you to stop looking both ways when you cross the street. That’s all.
I’m sorry to be so harsh. But I only hit you because I love you.