Mike Bridenstine's Tumblr Thing

I’ve been busy.  But a week after my monthly roast show, I like to clean up my RSS feed with the stories that probably won’t make it to next month’s show.  And if you think people will still be talking about Jeremy Lin and Whitney Houston a month from now, you’re out of your mind.  But that’s who dominated the last two weeks, so let’s talk about it. 

This guy has been everywhere.  Usually, when a sports figure blows up, you can avoid it by saying you don’t like sports because you’re a nerd.  In the case of Jeremy Lin, avoiding the story means that you’d also have to admit that you have zero Asian friends.  And you can’t have it both ways.  Personally, I like sports.  And I have Asian friends.  So I’ve inevitably talked to some of them about Jeremy Lin.  First, I called my friend Sam, who is Korean, to tell him the following story…

I was at a show at the Palace (and I won’t use anybody’s name because another blogging incident that happened there earlier this year) when a Chinese bartender approached a Korean comic for his drink order. 

Bartender: Happy Chinese New Year.
Comic (jokingly): I’m Korean, man.  What the fuck? 

The Bartender looked slightly surprised, so the comic tried to change the subject.

Comic: How ‘bout that Jeremy Lin?
Bartender: Jeremy Lin?  Oh yes.  I like him. 
Comic: So at least we’ve got that! 

Not the greatest story ever told, but the Jeremy Lin Phenomenon was becoming clearer to me.  When I talked to my friend, Sam, he said first and foremost how relieved he was that Lin didn’t have an accent.  And I was friends with Sam when William Hung became infamous on American Idol and when Lin Yun Chun, became an Internet sensation for singing like Whitney Houston on a similar Taiwanese show.  Although he didn’t mention either person by name, Sam said, “Imagine if the one example of your race that everybody else in the world knew was the worst stereotype possible.”  Then hilariously, Sam offered up Paul Giamatti.  He said, “Imagine if every other race thought white people were a bunch of Paul Giamattis.” 

 

1) For so many reasons, I think it’s funny that Sam thought Paul Giamatti was the worst example of white people.  And 2) He’s right.  It has to suck when time after time, the people that come to the forefront of pop culture from your race or ethnic group are goofballs.  Jeremy Lin isn’t a goofball.  He’s actually good at basketball.  But that’s when it dawned on me - Jeremy Lin’s fame isn’t entirely about race.  Race is just the fun part.     

Floyd Mayweather (who hates Asians, but not enough to fight one) Tweeted that Lin is overrated because of his race.  No.  It’s just the fun part.  Jeremy Lin is mostly overrated because he plays in New York.  It happens all the time.  You get a higher profile.  Last year, Sports Illustrated asked Major League Baseball players who the most overrated player in the league was.  1-3 were Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain and Derek Jeter - all of the New York Yankees.  On the opposite end, how many big market sports fans know who Monta Ellis or David Lee are?  Let’s switch Lin out with Kyrie Irving in Cleveland and see what the response would be.  Would ESPN have a Jeremy Lin update every five minutes if he was on the Cavaliers?  No.  But making sense of this through actual logic wasn’t nearly as fun as just saying, “How does he have such court vision with those eyes?” or making some sort of awful pun about math scores or small peeners.   

Then there’s the Tebow affect.  Would ESPN have a constant update about Kyrie Irving if he was on the Knicks?  Good question.  And the answer is also no.  Kyrie Irving was the #1 pick in the 2011 draft.  He’s supposed to be good.  But ESPN did give constant updates on Tim Tebow.  Tebow won a Heisman, but he’s not a good quarterback.  He’s a high-profile underdog with Jesus on his side who nobody thinks is good.  On the other hand, Jeremy Lin went to Harvard, which is an outstanding resume for any occupation, so long as it isn’t ‘professional basketball player.’  The last guy from the Crimson to play in the NBA (and for the Knicks, actually) was Ed Smith in 1954.  In other words, Jeremy Lin isn’t supposed to be good, Asian or not.  But he is.  He’s Susan Boyle with a jump shot.  AND he loves Jesus.  It’s like this dude showed up one day and said, “Hi.  You know how the football season just ended and the Giants won, so people in New York were just starting to pay attention to the NBA, but they’re disappointed because the Knicks suck?  Well, check this out - I’m an underdog who sleeps on his brother’s couch, but I’m going to lead the Knicks to a bunch of victories, even though you’ve never heard of me like I’m Fernando fucking Valenzuela in 1981.  Also, I’m Christian like Tim Tebow.  Oh, and one more thing… I’m fucking ASIAN!  Go ahead and put me on the cover of everything.”  But hurry, because if you blog about me a week later, it’s going to feel old already. 

You have to be pretty awesome to upstage the Grammys.  But that’s what Whitney Houston did last Sunday.  It made all of the other manufactured ‘outrageous’ shit that would have otherwise gotten attention seem as trite as they should have felt.  Nicki Minaj showed up with a guy who looked like the Pope.  Who is she trying to kid?  The Pope likes little butts.  But nobody really cares.  Now the most outrageous thing to me was that Mike Love of The Beach Boys was wearing a baseball cap that actually said ‘The Beach Boys.’  I take that back.  The most outrageous thing was that they allowed Chris Brown in the fucking building.  This guy is talented?  Why, because he can punch a woman AND drive at the same time?  And now Rihanna and Chris Brown are singing on each other’s tracks.  Great.  They’re a regular Romeo and Juliet.  But I only say that because I want Chris Brown to kill himself with poison. 

I could say, “Speaking of killing yourself with poison” but I won’t.  I loved Whitney Houston.  Always have since my sister came home with the cassette tapes of her first two albums in 1987.  Last year I was driving back from doing my podcast with Mike Burns and “Greatest Love of All” came on the radio.  We turned it up all the way, rolled all the windows down and screamed along with the song.  We were on the 5 coming back from Burbank and there was traffic.  We didn’t care.  And every driver that came along side of us on the freeway was smiling and encouraging us to keep going. 

Last Sunday in Brea, I had finished my last show at the Improv when Bert Kreischer was on stage.  And there was a couple in the crowd who were on a first date.  After finding this out, Bert pulled them both up on stage, gave them shots of Patron and convinced them to have their first kiss while the DJ blasted “I Will Always Love You”, accompanied by the house mood lighting.  The crowd went absolutely bonkers.  It was one of those great stand-up show moments that can’t really be recreated or explained to the same effect.

I know Whitney didn’t write either song, but she didn’t write the fucking “Star Spangled Banner” either and she still rocked that bitch at the 1991 Super Bowl, didn’t she?  My friend Kelly recently messaged me on Facebook to tell me that when we were in 5th grade I said Whitney did a great job with the National Anthem at the Super Bowl and it was the first time she’d ever heard me compliment anybody.  Since I was a piece of shit kid and am an even shittier adult, I believe her.  It could quite possibly be the first time I ever said anything good about another person.  I guess the message of “Greatest Love of All” was lost on me, but that’s how good Whitney’s pipes were.  She was a great one.  And Nicki Minaj will have to wait for another opportunity to see if we forgot Missy Elliott, Lady Gaga or Madonna ever existed.